覆水盆にかえったらなぁ…と、日々後悔の連続です。綴るのは事実じゃなくて妄想ばかり。
ある対象に向けた怒り、漠然と不特定多数のものに向けられた怒りと、怒りにもいろいろあるけれど、悲しみの先行する怒りって、(私の場合ですが)多くが自分に向けられた怒りな気がします。
己が無力さを悲観した後、それが自分に向けた怒りへと変換されることもしばしば。
悲しみが先行して、それが怒りに変換されることもそうですし、「悔しさをバネに」っていうのもそうですが、感情の反動ってとても大切だと思います。
人間が生きるために必要なエネルギー変換なのかなって(よくわからないですけど)。
どうしても、楽しかったことばかり覚えていて、怒りの感情って忘れてしまいがちだけれど、私は忘れないようにしたいです。
あの時何に怒っていて、何が悲しかったのか。
忘却は人間の自衛作用だと思うけれど、無理しない程度にそれを乗り越えていきたい。
逃げちゃダメだ、逃げちゃダメだ。
…って思います。
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